It has been some time since last I wrote in my journal. It feels as though it has been years though it has only been a few months. Time flys as of late and I find myself burdened by sleeping longer and longer, I know this has strained my few good graces with those I call friends and allies. Even my guildmates are slowly drifting apart. It seems that no matter what we do nothing can stay the same as it was before...nor can it return.
In recent turns, I have found myself thinking of the past and all the ups and downs it has brought me. From leaving my people and renouncing my claims to the leadership of them after my father fell to my blade, to finding a home here among the people of Valorn. Finding a guild that accepted me for what I am and nothing more, and for finding many women that hold a special spot in my heart...even if some have since fallen to the long sleep or others find love in other arms.
As time has gone by and I have gained many levels there is still lingering darkness that has found its hold within my soul. It could be because of my acceptance of the powers of the darker realm or it could be a shadow of my own soul but regardless it continues to grow as I do. I wonder if the Runes are partially to blame...but I am only lying to myself. This darkness is my own, the one I chose to bare when I followed the path I am on now.
I have for many cycles attempted to change how I am seen by the masses...and yet the truth is it is all a lie. I am not the man they know, I am simply an image of my own creation. They see a Drecq Lexenstar that is as fake as it can get. I do strive to be that version of me, though I know I can not. I am what I am, and that is something that I can not escape.
I am a Killican Warrior, I chose the way of the Berserker, I devote myself to using my emotions to fight and kill those that oppose me or to remove those that get in the way of my payee. I am a sellsword, a warrior in the purest of forms. I slay anything or anyone that gets in my way, I show no mercy and I have no remorse, I would slay even a God if it was required.
The Runes of Torment are mine to control and to use as I see fit, they are but an extension of my true self...a warrior that is filled with rage, anger, sadness, despair, loss, and one that is able to throw away his humanity as if it means nothing. What does that say about me really? I guess in the end I will have to keep pretending for a while longer. I am a demon in human skin...a monster in plain sight, a wolf in human clothing.
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